Silent Facade

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Reflection

I just came back from my Taiwan/Okinawa trip a few days back. Obviously, going to Taiwan would mean staying at Jane’s place. I mean, why won’t I? It’s FREE! Though I do feel bad about intruding into hers and Piero’s lovey dovey world…just that tiny bit.

It has overall been a good trip, my first vacation in years not doing alone (great company I’ve in Jane,Piero and Cesar!). Well, at least the two weekends were not alone (I travelled to Okinawa alone). Not sure if I have much to say ‘report’ about this trip compared to my previous ones, because I don’t feel like ‘reporting’ anymore. So if over the next few days when I’m not busy watching online anime and feel the irrepressible urge to write about it, I will.

This vacation is partly to give myself a good break from work. Partly also to spend some time reflecting.

I think I’ve changed quite a bit over the past year. In terms of personality, outlook to life, willingness to spend money and time and probably a few other things I can’t really put my finger on right now.

I’m definitely less of Mr Grumpyface now. While I don’t hold a gym membership, I’m at least giving my facial muscles a good workout more often, burning those facial fats and smiling those wrinkles out as if each one represents additional wisdom. I still scare my staff off, but not as much as with my expressionless look, which people often mistake it as serious look (sigh, I’m so much maligned).

Combine with that, I’m also the tiniest fraction up on the sociability scale. I’m slightly more proactive in getting friends out, friends’ invitation to meet up will also have an edge over me choosing to hide underneath my bed. And gosh, many won’t believe this, I actually initiated more conversations in the past three months than I did in my entire life before then.

I had asked Jane what change(s) she sees in me now, since having not seen each other for more than quite a while. She mentioned that I’m less laidback and more confident now. I guess that’s life pushing me down (to be less laidback) and out (to be more confident).

Am currently thinking job and career wise as well. A same batch colleague left a couple of months ago. Manning is still considered comfortable with three other colleagues holding up operations. Two more are upcoming, but will only be trained in operations starting June, which is still quite some time away.

Though I feel there are much opportunities given to me at work, I’m still unsure as to if this is the track of career path I intend to take. Given that a colleague has strongly indicated he won’t be staying once his bond ends in a couple of months, and the two new colleagues are still untrained, if I leave within this period, it would seems unfair to my colleagues to leave them struggling.

Honestly, unlike my colleague who is planning to leave, I’m not unhappy in my work. Environment is nice, colleagues are good and work is fine. In fact, I like working in shifts as well. It gives me time to do my personal stuff and I don’t even have to squeeze with the morning and evening rush on the MRT.

Argh! The dilemma and hesitancy I face.
posted by Cylee at 9:33 am I