Silent Facade

In the past 2 years I've been working at my workplace, without fail during Chinese New Year, all the aunties in my department will be infected with a fervour to matchmake singles and unattached in the office.

They'll surround me, hound me until I'll even hear their 'Come ah, come ah. Let me introduce girlfriend to you ah.' calls in my sleep. Beating them with a stick and keeping them away with fire won't work. Even a garlic drenched stake drived through their hearts can't stop them. Like last year.

Surprisingly, this year was silent. Very, very silent. Too silent.

The naughty little self doubt crept in. Was it because my strategy of placating them by approving whatever leaves they threw at me during that period that worked, or have I gone pass my sell-by date?

Now if it's the first reason, I'm very happy. They get a long break from work and get to spend quality time with their family. I get peace and quiet, and extra storage space under the office desk as I don't need to hide from them.

However, if it's the second reason, I'll be very worried. That means if I'm to ever hope to get a girlfriend, I'll have to pour in major investments in replanting my hair, liposucting my massive oil reserves and injecting barrels of botox into my face. After all these spendings, then I'll have to find ways to earn money so I can at least afford bread to share during dates.

These are very risky measures I'm taking, because with all the botox and stuff I'm going to use, I'm depriving others who need them as well. Then the rest of the population will have increased risk of heart attacks from meeting ugly people on the streets.

It's something I want to avoid as I don't one to go into the Guiness Book of Records for being the person who cause the most one-time widespread heart attack in the general population.

If it shows there're any hopes for me at all, I've got red packets from the aunties for good luck. At the very least, they had provided some subsidies for all my measures.